Where I’d Rather Be

(all photos are mine, taken from my trips abroad)

Sunny blue skies, glistening sea

Where the bridge is awake and music fills the streets

Perched on a ridge, sipping iced tea

Prague, Czech Republic is where I’d rather be

 

Winter in July, the air here is sweet

Late nights spent happily down by the sea

Exploring the bush, the people, the city

Sydney, Australia is where I’d rather be

 

Vendors and shoppers keep the avenues upbeat

Warmth fills my heart for I’m with family

It is always alive – this city never sleeps

Bustling Hong Kong is where I’d rather be

 

But beauty and wonder is not reality

For relief I travel into my past fantasies

Here, nights are spent restlessly dreaming of sleep

Anywhere but here is where I’d rather be

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AP Testing 2016- Reflections

The most dreaded two weeks of my junior year career have fluttered by & away. I’m a bit nostalgic, but I sure do not want to rewind.

If you think high school students are melodramatic when they groan and moan over AP season, you’re exactly correct. However, being part of the crowd, I must say that the exaggeration does reflect elements of truth.

“Why do you take so many APs?” is the question I get quite often.

Well first, I only took 3 AP classes/tests this year, so it’s not the stereotypical 6 or 7 (really though, very few – if any – schools even offer that many AP classes to juniors).

Anyway, my generic answer to the question is: college credit. AP tests are $92 each but if you pass them, you pass out on a college GE class, which saves money in the long run. And, the quicker you get sophomore standing in college, the quicker you can graduate. With higher education being so expensive nowadays, APs are a smart route.

Another main reason to take APs are GPA boosts. An A in an AP class is worth 5 points, rather than the usual 4, which is why people are able to achieve GPAs over 4.0.

But behind the practical and superficial reasons I give out lies the sort-of ugly truth: Pride.

For as long as I remember, being smart was my characteristic. I think that there’s a part of me now that craves it – being on top and ahead of the game. That’s why it’s so important that I get accepted into the highest placing classes (we have to test into APs at my school), that I score high, and that I pass the AP exams at the end of the year (hopefully with 5s).

And the scariest part is, I am insecure. I am constantly frightened that I won’t do well or that I won’t do as well as I have before. On one hand, it’s great, because I’m always seeking to better myself. But on the other hand, it’s not, because every success I experience is another addition to the burden I carry. The burden of being myself. People are constantly praising me for my hard work and intelligence, but what they don’t know is that though their lauding relieves me, it also adds to my burden.

The only thing worse than being compared to someone else is being compared to yourself. And that’s why (in part) I try so hard. Because I don’t want to be the girl that used to be smart or was once so bright and achieved so much. I want to be in the present, forever. And so, though my past exerts pressure on me, it also propels me forward. I’ve never bought the (what I called) BS that “pressure can be good or bad”, but I’ve recently started reconsidering. I’m no physics nerd, but it’s basic knowledge that pressure can come from various directions. It can push you down from above, but can also push you forward from behind. Do I get a say? Because if I do, I choose forward.

And though some may say that pressure of all sorts is not positive, I’m deciding to trust that I can use pressure to better myself and achieve greater things.

Being the best will always be my aspiration. I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a good thing or not.

A tribute to stila eyeliner

Jet black

.016 oz

$22

 

Stila stay-all-day, you’ll never know your worth

Inky black lines, tattooed onto my lids

Never to smear, never to leave

until I gave the word

 

Stila stay-all-day, you’re what I strive to be

Your smooth, effortless glide

Waterproof and undeterred,

Liquid flexibility

 

Stila stay-all-day, you really stay all day

Through wind, through tears, through accidental eye-rubs

When I break down in public restrooms

And the gates of hell flood out

When the rest of me breaks down

But not my pointy wings

 

Stila stay-all-day, you hold through

You stand boldly

My glistening orbs, though swollen and puffy

Retain their crafted rims

 

They say the eyes are the window to the soul

Well, you are their guardian angel

And though they may be weak and they see not all they should

At the end of the day, it’ll be okay

Because their border stays

 

Stila stay-all-day, you are my daily constance

I know not what I will receive

What life will toss to me today

But despite my teenage angst and craze,

I know that you will stay

 

Friendships fade

Loved ones die

Boys will change their minds

But amidst the volatility, when no one else remains

You always stay all day

 

To keep your pigment

To keep your shine

I know not much but I do know

My liner will stay intact

Even if I cannot.

Why Blog?

Firsts are said to be difficult, because no one is good at anything on his/her initial attempt.

I’ve had my share of firsts (*cue in Lana del Rey*” I’ve seen the world, done it all, had my cake now”) and I can attest from both personal experience and observation that this is true at least 98% of the time.

But, as Confucius once said, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Orrr, less philosophically put, there’s a first time for everything. So voila, here it is. The awkward, unsure, first blog post on my site.

Always a fan of straightforwardness, I will answer the question I asked myself before setting up this site: Why blog?

I decided to commit to this blog for a variety of reasons. The most superficial one being that I love to write. And though drafting wild fiction and pretty poetry is a focus of mine, I also take pleasure in jotting down my feelings, thoughts, and ideas, however unorganized and sporadic they may be. I’ve found that regular and informal writing not only taps into my creative lobe, but allows me to unshackle myself from the everyday burdens of life.

I’m not here to complain about my life – no one wants to read that. But, I am here to scribble down my opinions, my views, my notions, and my reflections. Pieces will primarily fit into the categories of : People, Places, or Things. However, I guarantee I will diverge from these central sub-units and discuss other far-reaching or abstract aspects of life, vent (a little), talk politics, gush over whatever I’m currently obsessed with, critique eateries, share media, recommend books/shows/movies/etc, and pose pensive questions that I will likely not have the answers to. This may consist in the form of poetry, prose, or something in between.

So tag along with me on my journey of blogging. My goal is not primarily to reach an extensive audience or garner excessive feedback, but to document my thoughts, feelings, ideas, and hopefully to develop them along the way.

One down, however many more to go…